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My Chinese Zodiac is a Tiger!
What is your Chinese zodiac animal?

Just a Randominess

NAME: M.N.M.

 

AGE : 25

 

BIRTHDATE: June 19th

 

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage: Lemon-Lime Gatorade

 

2. last phone call: My parents

 

3. last text message: Melissa

 

4. last song you listened to: Skylar Grey - "Dance Without You"

 

5. last time you cried: yesterday I think

 

6. dated someone twice: Yeppers

 

7. been cheated on: Yeah

 

8. kissed someone & regretted it: yes

 

9. lost someone special:  Yes

 

10. been depressed: Yes

 

11. been drunk and threw up: Nope never

 

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: (In order)

 

12. Purple

 

13. Black

 

14. Lime Green

 

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

 

15. Made a new friend, who?: maybe a couple

 

16. Fallen out of love: yes

 

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

 

18. Met someone who changed you: Yes

 

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes

 

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list? WHO?: Yes, a few of em >_>

 

GENERAL:...

 

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: Almost all of them

 

24. Do you have any pets: Yes, 3 dogs, 1 ferret and 2 cats

 

25. Do you want to change your name: yesh

 

26. What did you do for your last birthday: Had a little party at my friends house

 

27. What time did you wake up today: I dunno

 

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: chillin with my man probably

 

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: MORE money

 

30. Last time you saw your Mother: Uhmmm... Independence Day

 

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Money issues

 

32. What are you listening to right now: Someone on the other PC and the TV from the Living Room

 

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yeahhhhh... that's my Dad's name :)

 

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Everything really

 

37. Nickname: Maegs

 

38. Relationship Status: Seperated

 

39. Zodiac sign: Gemini

 

40. He or She: She

 

41. Elementary School: Mark Twain

 

42. Middle School: Truman

 

43. College: None..

 

44. Hair color: Auburn

 

45. Long or short: Long

 

46. Height = 5'0"

 

47. Do you have a crush on someone? Of course

 

48. What do you like about yourself?: I'm hilarious

 

49. Piercings: 6 of em

 

50. Tattoos: 2

 

51. Righty or lefty: Righty

 

FIRSTS:

 

52. First surgery: When I was a little baby for a hernia.

 

53. First piercing: Ears

 

54. First best friend: Jill G.

 

55. First sport you joined: Track

 

56. First vacation: Seattle, WA

 

58. First pair of trainers: Ummm...?

 

CURRENTLY

 

59. Eating: Sun Chips French Onion flavor... I dont care for Sun Chips, tbh.

 

60. Drinking: Gatorade

 

61. I'm about to: go in my room

 

62. Listening to: Space bound

 

63. Waiting for: This depression to leave my body and go the eff away forever

 

YOUR FUTURE:

 

64. Want kids?: Maybe

 

65. Get Married?: Already did, might again

 

66. Career?: Personal Care Assistant

 

WHICH IS BETTER :

 

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes I guess... ugh, tough choice

 

68. Hugs or kisses: Kisses

 

69. Shorter or taller: Taller

 

70. Older or Younger: Younger

 

71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic with a lil spontaneous

 

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms

 

73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

 

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.

 

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble Maker

 

HAVE YOU EVER:

 

76. Kissed a stranger: Yes

 

77. Drank hard liquor: Yes

 

78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yep

 

79. sex on first date: Nope, not in RL anyways.

 

80. Broke someone's heart: Yeah

 

81. Had your own heart broken?: Yes

 

82. Been arrested?: Not yet

 

83. Turned someone down: Yes

 

84. Cried when someone died: Yeah

 

85. Fallen for a friend: Of course

 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

 

86. Yourself: Sometimes

 

87. Miracles: It can happen

 

88. Love at first sight: Yeah, in some cases

 

89. Heaven: I dont know, I'd LIKE to... but then that also means I'd have to believe in Hell, which means I'd have to risk a chance going there.

 

90. Santa Claus: I dunno, but I still like to sit on his lap and tell him what I want! ;)

 

91. Kiss on the first date: If he earns it then yes

 

92. Angels: Maybe

So, it's been a long freakin while...

A lot has happened since I last posted... some good... some bad. Okay, a shitload of bad. But, yeah. LOL The rise and fall of a marriage. A new relationship. The new one sometimes I feel might border on the same lines as the failed one. Which worries me. Since the only common denominator that I can see... is ME. Am I the reason why all my relationships crash and burn? Why they all seem like a slow-motion train wreck? I believe so. And I have no idea how to fix it. No idea how to tell my boyfriend, who may not be the best boyfriend in the world, but I know loves me with all his heart... that I need time... without him. To tell him that I may not ever be "fixed" and I feel like I'm so... what's the word... erratic... that I should be quarantined? He refuses to see that. He's blinded by love. And who could blame him? I'm awesome just if not for those flaws. The warm fuzzy feeling of love surrounding you is certainly better than the emptiness of the bed and memories of what-used-to-be. He deserves better than that, to have a sane girlfriend. Almost 2 years he's dealt with me and my emotions, my mood swings, etc. Two years that I've dealt with his lies and drama. Like I said, he's not perfect either. How far can love be pushed till it breaks? I've always wondered. I don't want to get to that place with him. Where we're more roommates than lovers. Where I resent him more than feel affection towards him. But in his eyes, stepping away for a break, means to step away forever, and I'm not ready for that kind of leap. 

I don't know how to control my bipolarness. Can't afford the meds. But this is getting ridiculous. Why do I keep hurting the ones I love? UGH. I don't want to turn to drinking or drugs like others I know do to help "ease" their behavior. I've been down that road before... I'm not doing it again. Too many addictions and complications. Guess this is just one more speed bump in the fuckin road. :(


Writer's Block: Scaredy cat

What animal frightens you most, and why?
I'd have to say:

#1 ~ Spiders, they just have that look (especially the thin legged ones) AND they could kill you.

#2 ~ Sharks, I used to love them until I kept having nightmares about them... now I won't even go near the ocean.

#3 ~ Cockroaches, because they are everywhere and nowhere all at once. They NEVER die. It ain't right...

#4 ~ Maggots, because (even though it's irrational) I am afraid that they will think I'm dead and start eating me... nasty f***ers.

Writer's Block: So Sensitive

What are you most sensitive about?
That and when people make fun of things in my past that are not joking matters.

Writer's Block: It's Too Late to Apologize

Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?
Oh, yeah. There are quite a few. Even when the person never says I'm sorry, you know it'll never fix it. I don't think any of the people I'm referring to are sorry. They can all rot in Hell. I have forgiven mostly because I needed it to heal myself not because they deserve it. I don't wanna live with all that hate in my heart. They don't deserve my time or pain anymore. F**k them. These are mainly things that you really can't say I'm sorry for and expect them to be okay. I don't talk to any of them anyways. I only see one sometimes. And she was the one that did the least amount of damage. 

Writer's Block: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?
I need to:

*Brush my teeth
*Wash my hands and maybe my face
*Get into my sleeping clothes
*Organize my pillows till they are "just right"
*Give my Husband a kiss goodnight
*Make sure he set the alarm
* Read till I fall asleep unless I'm dead tired... then it's just fall asleep

Writer's Block: Cinco de Mayo

Are you celebrating Cinco de Mayo?
I don't... it's not a day I'd like to remember for 1/2 price Mexican food. My best friend that killed himself was born on the 5th of May so I either celebrate that or do nothing at all. I miss him... :-(

Writer's Block: Fictional Character

What fictional character do you relate to most and why?
When I find them, you'll be the first to know. :-)

Writer's Block: My First Car

What was your first car?
My first car is a van and it's a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan. I love it! ♥