Log in

My Chinese Zodiac is a Tiger!
What is your Chinese zodiac animal?

Just a Randominess



AGE : 25


BIRTHDATE: June 19th



1. last beverage: Lemon-Lime Gatorade


2. last phone call: My parents


3. last text message: Melissa


4. last song you listened to: Skylar Grey - "Dance Without You"


5. last time you cried: yesterday I think


6. dated someone twice: Yeppers


7. been cheated on: Yeah


8. kissed someone & regretted it: yes


9. lost someone special:  Yes


10. been depressed: Yes


11. been drunk and threw up: Nope never




12. Purple


13. Black


14. Lime Green




15. Made a new friend, who?: maybe a couple


16. Fallen out of love: yes


17. Laughed until you cried: yes


18. Met someone who changed you: Yes


19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes


21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list? WHO?: Yes, a few of em >_>




22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: Almost all of them


24. Do you have any pets: Yes, 3 dogs, 1 ferret and 2 cats


25. Do you want to change your name: yesh


26. What did you do for your last birthday: Had a little party at my friends house


27. What time did you wake up today: I dunno


28. What were you doing at midnight last night: chillin with my man probably


29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: MORE money


30. Last time you saw your Mother: Uhmmm... Independence Day


31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Money issues


32. What are you listening to right now: Someone on the other PC and the TV from the Living Room


33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yeahhhhh... that's my Dad's name :)


34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Everything really


37. Nickname: Maegs


38. Relationship Status: Seperated


39. Zodiac sign: Gemini


40. He or She: She


41. Elementary School: Mark Twain


42. Middle School: Truman


43. College: None..


44. Hair color: Auburn


45. Long or short: Long


46. Height = 5'0"


47. Do you have a crush on someone? Of course


48. What do you like about yourself?: I'm hilarious


49. Piercings: 6 of em


50. Tattoos: 2


51. Righty or lefty: Righty




52. First surgery: When I was a little baby for a hernia.


53. First piercing: Ears


54. First best friend: Jill G.


55. First sport you joined: Track


56. First vacation: Seattle, WA


58. First pair of trainers: Ummm...?




59. Eating: Sun Chips French Onion flavor... I dont care for Sun Chips, tbh.


60. Drinking: Gatorade


61. I'm about to: go in my room


62. Listening to: Space bound


63. Waiting for: This depression to leave my body and go the eff away forever




64. Want kids?: Maybe


65. Get Married?: Already did, might again


66. Career?: Personal Care Assistant




67. Lips or eyes: Eyes I guess... ugh, tough choice


68. Hugs or kisses: Kisses


69. Shorter or taller: Taller


70. Older or Younger: Younger


71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic with a lil spontaneous


72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms


73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive


74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.


75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble Maker




76. Kissed a stranger: Yes


77. Drank hard liquor: Yes


78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yep


79. sex on first date: Nope, not in RL anyways.


80. Broke someone's heart: Yeah


81. Had your own heart broken?: Yes


82. Been arrested?: Not yet


83. Turned someone down: Yes


84. Cried when someone died: Yeah


85. Fallen for a friend: Of course




86. Yourself: Sometimes


87. Miracles: It can happen


88. Love at first sight: Yeah, in some cases


89. Heaven: I dont know, I'd LIKE to... but then that also means I'd have to believe in Hell, which means I'd have to risk a chance going there.


90. Santa Claus: I dunno, but I still like to sit on his lap and tell him what I want! ;)


91. Kiss on the first date: If he earns it then yes


92. Angels: Maybe

So, it's been a long freakin while...

A lot has happened since I last posted... some good... some bad. Okay, a shitload of bad. But, yeah. LOL The rise and fall of a marriage. A new relationship. The new one sometimes I feel might border on the same lines as the failed one. Which worries me. Since the only common denominator that I can see... is ME. Am I the reason why all my relationships crash and burn? Why they all seem like a slow-motion train wreck? I believe so. And I have no idea how to fix it. No idea how to tell my boyfriend, who may not be the best boyfriend in the world, but I know loves me with all his heart... that I need time... without him. To tell him that I may not ever be "fixed" and I feel like I'm so... what's the word... erratic... that I should be quarantined? He refuses to see that. He's blinded by love. And who could blame him? I'm awesome just if not for those flaws. The warm fuzzy feeling of love surrounding you is certainly better than the emptiness of the bed and memories of what-used-to-be. He deserves better than that, to have a sane girlfriend. Almost 2 years he's dealt with me and my emotions, my mood swings, etc. Two years that I've dealt with his lies and drama. Like I said, he's not perfect either. How far can love be pushed till it breaks? I've always wondered. I don't want to get to that place with him. Where we're more roommates than lovers. Where I resent him more than feel affection towards him. But in his eyes, stepping away for a break, means to step away forever, and I'm not ready for that kind of leap. 

I don't know how to control my bipolarness. Can't afford the meds. But this is getting ridiculous. Why do I keep hurting the ones I love? UGH. I don't want to turn to drinking or drugs like others I know do to help "ease" their behavior. I've been down that road before... I'm not doing it again. Too many addictions and complications. Guess this is just one more speed bump in the fuckin road. :(

Writer's Block: Scaredy cat

What animal frightens you most, and why?
I'd have to say:

#1 ~ Spiders, they just have that look (especially the thin legged ones) AND they could kill you.

#2 ~ Sharks, I used to love them until I kept having nightmares about them... now I won't even go near the ocean.

#3 ~ Cockroaches, because they are everywhere and nowhere all at once. They NEVER die. It ain't right...

#4 ~ Maggots, because (even though it's irrational) I am afraid that they will think I'm dead and start eating me... nasty f***ers.

Writer's Block: So Sensitive

What are you most sensitive about?
That and when people make fun of things in my past that are not joking matters.

Writer's Block: It's Too Late to Apologize

Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?
Oh, yeah. There are quite a few. Even when the person never says I'm sorry, you know it'll never fix it. I don't think any of the people I'm referring to are sorry. They can all rot in Hell. I have forgiven mostly because I needed it to heal myself not because they deserve it. I don't wanna live with all that hate in my heart. They don't deserve my time or pain anymore. F**k them. These are mainly things that you really can't say I'm sorry for and expect them to be okay. I don't talk to any of them anyways. I only see one sometimes. And she was the one that did the least amount of damage. 

Writer's Block: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?
I need to:

*Brush my teeth
*Wash my hands and maybe my face
*Get into my sleeping clothes
*Organize my pillows till they are "just right"
*Give my Husband a kiss goodnight
*Make sure he set the alarm
* Read till I fall asleep unless I'm dead tired... then it's just fall asleep

Writer's Block: Cinco de Mayo

Are you celebrating Cinco de Mayo?
I don't... it's not a day I'd like to remember for 1/2 price Mexican food. My best friend that killed himself was born on the 5th of May so I either celebrate that or do nothing at all. I miss him... :-(

Writer's Block: Fictional Character

What fictional character do you relate to most and why?
When I find them, you'll be the first to know. :-)

Writer's Block: My First Car

What was your first car?
My first car is a van and it's a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan. I love it! ♥